Coaching with humour(based on the work of Frank Farrelly master of Provocative Therapy)
This was the basis of an article written by Marcella Bremer who attended one of my programmes.
Do you know how to make things better by making them worse? It is analogous to the way to make a donkey move forward is to pull his tail. The approach of “Provocative Coaching” was developed by Frank Farrelly when he realized that friends often uplift and nudge you – while coaches, therapists and consultants seem to take a solemn, serious approach to issues or problems – but they’re not necessarily effective in helping people (and organisations) solve them.
Farrelly recognized that laughter and humor are key ingredients in the success stories of many leaders, parents and partners. His work taught many in the helping professions to identify the right time to switch style and to work in a way that appears to fly in the face of everything they have learned.
“Coaching with humor is all about bringing change in thinking, perspective and state by stimulating the person to react and defend what is positive about their position rather than focusing on what is negative. The aim is to provoke a healing, resourceful response.”
I experience how I’ve become accustomed to my own ways of working with people: taking things seriously, making sure to create enough safety for them to speak up, taking care not to hurt them – nudging them towards insights and new behaviors… I hear the same from others – while we practice provocative coaching, we experience our own assumptions, prejudice and reserve at going beyond what is “normal”. “You can’t laugh with your client, can you?!” Well, you can – if you do it with love, skill, good timing and the purpose to help them see their issue more clearly.
Humor is a quick way to build rapport” You provoke the client to help them become aware of how they think and act – but it is important to do it with love. Love is the ultimate rapport, or connection. You can be tough and very clear – as long as you do it with love. In this context ove means understanding, respect, non-judgmental attention, complete honesty and clarity (which can be painful) plus a willingness and efforts to serve your client the best you can.
The goal is not to make people uncomfortable (though that’s likely to happen during a change process), or humiliate, or offend them. The goal is to provoke a healing response. The goal of working with a client, whether it’s a personal coaching session or an organizational team facing change, is learning.
Content is verbal and already known. So, don’t get drawn into the story the client tells you and herself. Better look at how they are and who they are. The information you need to help them get unstuck is in the process. Look for nonverbal cues. That means, you don’t always listen to what the client says! That’s okay, as long as your attention is with them completely. You may not listen but notice their nonverbal communication, and notice their patterns of telling their story, their patterns of behaving. The key is to interrupt their patterns – to distract them – to take them out of their current state of mind – to help them see the situation with fresh eyes. To wake up and learn. And it is so much more. Join Sue on this programme and find out not only how to transform others lives but to transform your own.
You will learn how to use this powerful and freeing style on not only others but yourself.
In particular you will learn how to:-
- Use humour to create a change of state and learning
- How to handle provocative styles when you are on the receiving end (and this is in some ways more significant than being able to deliver it but for sure you need to be able to handle it first.
- How to use stories and metaphors with embedded learning so that you by pass any conscious resistance
- Interrupt old patterns and limiting stories in a way that opens the doors to change
- Adopt the style of a provocative coach which is freeing and powerful
- Detect patterns and mirror them back in ways that provide life changing feedback for your client’s
- Exaggerate language patterns in ways that raise awareness and therefore the space for choice and learning
- Find ways to be amused and encourage your client’s to be amused along with you and subsequently change their perspective on issues that they may have perceived as problems
- Recognise when (and when not) to use this provocative style
And much much more